A Desire For All That is Lost
by xGoddess of Discordx
Summary: Anyone wondered why they made Courtney such a bitch? Well I think there is more that what meets the eye with Courtney. A secret that not anyone, not even Duncan knows about. Maybe if he knew he wouldn't have dumped her. Maybe he misjudged her, maybe he didn't know her like he thought he did. Possible lemons DxC pairing and some original characters by me :3
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything, all credit goes to the people who made Total Drama.

**A/N****: **_I gave up on Total Drama as soon as Courtney was eliminated. I was devastated at how they turned Duncan into a douche and Courtney into an uptight bitch. I hated it, I knew they only did it to give Duncan an excuse to cheat on her and go with Gwen. Trying to please the Gwuncan fans was not the way to go people! They should have left them alone and focused on more pressing issues. Like… __**ANYONE ELSE!**_

_Aside from my bitch rant I have been writing this for a while, I always thought that if they made Courtney a bitch, well there had to be a reason. She could not have been a cool person first season and then a total bitch the next. There had to be something, something that made her that way. And this is what I think it was. It made total sense :3_

_I just hope those out there can understand and love it! By the way, Gwuncan fans can suck it, post as many flames as you like I'll only laugh :D_

BRING IT BITCHES! HAHA! XD

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Courtney sat beside Bridgette the plane flying towards Canada. After the crazy and dramatic finale on Total Drama World Tour Courtney felt completely defeated. She just wanted to go home and forget everything.

"Courtney? Did you hear me?" Bridgette asked looking to the brunette. Courtney lifted her head and looked to possibly the only friend she ever had on the show.

"Hm? I'm sorry Bridge. I'm tired, what did you say?" she asked perking a smile acting as if nothing was wrong. Bridgette knew better of course. The world might not have known it but she knew, she knew how much Courtney was hurting. She knew how much she cared about Duncan. Although she wasn't sure what she could do or say to make her feel better she smiled to her.

"I was wondering if we could still hang out. Even though the show is over I'd like to hang out more on a regular basis." she said. Courtney blinked and looked to the blonde feeling rather touched. Most people couldn't stand her so she honestly didn't have any friends. Bridgette was the only person who didn't judge her and took the time to know a better Courtney than the one portrayed on the show.

"Well yeah!" she said smiling brightly. Even if she was backstabbed by Gwen she knew she could trust Bridgette. She knew the girl had nothing to gain from betraying her, and she had her own boyfriend that she loved dearly so there was no way she'd take Courtney's. As if Courtney had a boyfriend. "Do you want my email address, I'll give you my cell phone number too." she said smiling and pulled out her PDA.

Exchanging information Courtney was too busy now to notice Duncan who was sitting beside Gwen right across from them. Duncan held his cheek bored with the plane ride. Gwen had fallen asleep exhausted and was resting her head on his shoulder. Duncan could care less about the fact that Courtney was right beside her, the walkway just between them. Although the glares and scowls sent his way from the uptight princess did kind of struck a nerve.

It wasn't that he never cared about her, because he really did. He wasn't playing with her either, he honestly loved her. But her behavior was only more than he could handle. He couldn't take it from her anymore so he moved on to Gwen, who was like him and wouldn't try to change him for who he was. He cared for Gwen, not as strongly as he did for Courtney but he figured time would help with that. He would soon forget Courtney and then move on with his life. He perked a smirk thrilled with the idea of a carefree life without a warden telling him what to do all the time. This was for the best.

When the plane landed back in Canada the cast's family members were waiting for their arrival. Courtney smiled with joy when she saw her father Larson and her little sister Carol who was only six years old. Carol jumped up running to her older sister and hugged her legs. "Courtney! I missed you!" she cried. Courtney had a big grin on her face happy to see her family. Bending over she picked up her sister and hugged her tightly. Kissing her cheek and ruffling her short chocolate brown hair.

"I missed you too Carol." she said kissing her cheeks again before looking to her father. Courtney sank a bit feeling disappointed. "I'm sorry dad…" she mumbled looking up to him. Larson could only smile and hugged her tightly.

"We missed you Courtney. Don't worry about a thing. I'm only happy you're home." he said sincerely. Courtney's walls broke down and she held him crying into his chest. All the grief, all the pain she withheld in her being all came rushing out in a downpour. Larson knew the source of the tears and couldn't bear watching his daughter cry. His eyes met with Duncan's for a moment and he glared at the boy before taking Courtney home.

Duncan knew why Courtney's dad glared at her. Larson never liked him, and he must have hated him for the way he treated Courtney. Although he thought Courtney was crying was because she lost and didn't win the money, not because of what he did. Duncan noticed his parents come by. His father, Earl, and mother, Janice, were clearly disappointed in him but they welcomed him. Janice hugged him tightly kissing his head before he groaned. "Mom…"

Earl didn't offer any hug but nodded his head. "It was a close one wasn't it?" he asked smirking.

"Guess so." Duncan said but then grinned, "Came out a winner anyway." he said glancing towards Gwen who was hugging her mother and fighting with her little brother.

"Well let's go home. I made all of your favorites today." his mother said smiling. Duncan complied and after a goodbye kiss with Gwen he headed home promising to call her.

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This is the prologue of my series :3

Just a little taste of what was to come. In the next chapter one will get a feel of Courtney's life. I would post a little preview however I don't want to spoil anything.

**QUESTION OF THE CHAPTA:**

_If you were a cast in Total Drama what would they be like?_

**Thank you! Please R&R! Reviews keeps the chapters coming!**


	2. You Didn't Know Me Like This

**Disclaimer: I own nothing all credit goes to the creators of Total Drama. On the exception of the OC's I have. Thank you!**

**A/N:**_ Thank you everyone for your love for the prologue. I didn't think I'd get so many reviews so fast :D_

_This chapter is going to be about Courtney and her life, this will help people get to know more of why she is the way she is. I did my best but I think it's pretty reasonable. _

**In case you need a recap of names here they are:**

**Larson - Courtney's father**

**Carol - Courtney's little sister (six years old)**

**Earl - Duncan's father**

**Janice - Duncan's mother**

**Please proceed with the chapter:**

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Courtney, holding Carol in her arms got off the bus Larson coming right behind her. The three traveled up two flights of stairs before returning to their small two bedroom apartment. Carol was set on the couch while Larson went to put Courtney's things to her room. Courtney turned on the television to keep Carol occupied while she started on making dinner. She was surprised how easily she fell into her normal routine. In a sense Courtney was glad that she didn't have to deal with the show anymore. She didn't have to suffer Chris' abuse any longer and she could get back to focusing on school and trying to make life better for her family.

Larson was once the president of a computer company, but the company lost a lot of money and things only went downhill from there. The luxurious life Courtney was used to was gone. She couldn't go to the best school anymore, she had to attend a public school. People there treated her differently. Courtney was raised to speak her mind and not take any crap from anyone, apparently speaking your mind turns people off.

But that didn't matter. She pushed herself as a straight A student, she became student body president, joined the debate team, elected to be valedictorian and joined the school chorus. She was an achiever and she loved working hard for the good things in life. She did it to make her parents proud.

"Courtney?" Carol said from the couch holding her doll in her arms. "When are we going back home?" she asked. Courtney bit her lip wondering how she planned on explaining that they wouldn't return to their home.

"Carol? How does meatloaf sound?" Courtney asked smiling to her baby sister. Larson stepped downstairs taking the tray of food from his daughter.

"Courtney, you've had a long flight. Why don't you rest?" he asked kissing her head.

"I can't do without my hands doing something dad. Besides you can't cook." she said chuckling. Larson huffed but returned the tray back to Courtney. "You go sit on the couch while I scrap up some dinner."

"Are you sure you're okay Courtney?" Larson asked concerned for her daughter. She was much more fragile than she let on but if she didn't say anything he couldn't do much to help her. Courtney liked to suffer alone and he wished there was a way to remedy that.

"Of course I'm fine daddy. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Finally I'm away from that asinine show and that brain-dead Neanderthal." she said turning her back to him and started cooking. "Now shoo! I need all the space of the kitchen." she said.

Larson, without a choice returned to the living room to play with his youngest.

Courtney cut into some garlic and onions she thought back to Duncan. She couldn't be angry anymore, now she was just sad. She hated to admit it, but she missed him. He may have been a rule breaker, an idiot, and loved annoying her but he was sweet, and good to her. She could only blame herself however, she should have known that it wouldn't have ended well.

When they dated Duncan treated her like a princess. Although he allowed her to appear the dominant in the relationship behind closed doors she swooned for him. When he won season 2 he bought her nice things. He loved giving her gifts and because of her situation Courtney pawned every single one of them. Duncan didn't know about her family's financial situation. He figured she still lived in the same house she lived in since season 1 and that's how Courtney wanted to keep it.

"Courtney the potatoes!" Carol jumped pulling on Courtney's green leggings. Courtney gasped turning the stove off managing to salvage the mashed potatoes before they burnt.

After dinner Courtney took Carol down the hallway to the small bathroom and filled the tub with water. The hot water ran out quickly and she eased her sister inside along with herself. Washing Carol's hair she thought about how she was going to find another job to cover their expenses until Larson found himself a job.

He was fired again a few days ago. Larson did well managing other people and running a company but manual labor and working for others was difficult for him. Especially since he spoke his mind often. Courtney got her attitude from her father apparently.

She was done bathing Carol and after the bath she put her baby sister to sleep in their bedroom. They shared a bed together which was difficult at times since Carol had a habit of clinging to her or taking the blanket for herself. Carol went to sleep without any fuss and Courtney tucked her in smiling warmly.

Going through her luggage she unpacked her things and her heart felt a jab of pain when she saw the hand carved skull Duncan gave to her first season. She never kept it from her possession. The wooden skull held dear and happy memories but it was all over now. It was only the second keepsake she held in her possession. The other was Duncan's black skull t-shirt he had given her to wear. She wore it to sleep often and hid it away with the skull when she woke. She couldn't help it, it smelled of him. Even when she washed it she could still smell the faint scent of Duncan on it and it drove her to tears how much she missed him.

Wiping away the tears she climbed into bed and closed her eyes dreaming sweet dreams of the happiest days of her life, the days when she was in Duncan's arms.

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_I think that I'm going to make chapters short, sorry that they are short. There are demands I must meet and I'm breaking chapters by transitions which come often between Duncan and Courtney. However thank you to everyone for reviewing and making this story a favorite. I'm truly grateful :D_

_On a second note, I've given a little view on Courtney's financial state, I felt that money issues was probably the drive she had for winning the shows. And when she couldn't win she got angry because well, her family was on the line. Of course Courtney's pride wouldn't allow her to play victim, she didn't let anyone know about it not even Duncan so of course Duncan just thought she was playing bitch like everyone else did._

_Makes sense yes? :D_

**QUESTION OF THE CHAPTA:**

_Who is your favorite character on Total Drama and why?_


	3. A New Day

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama or any of its characters.**

**A/N: Okay people...I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but a few weeks ago I learned about the Total Drama Wiki. I learned that Courtney has parents and a brother...? Well anyway, my evaluation of their family was way off mark, however I ask that you just forget about it since they aren't so very important with my story.**

**In other news I just finished finals for the semester, don't ask me how it went -_-lll**

**So I should be able to focus on my fanfictions until next semester which begins in spring.**

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(Courtney's POV)

It was Monday and Courtney was up getting ready for school. Dressing in her green capris, and her white blouse she looked back to Carol who was sleeping soundly on the bed. Taking the time to hide the t-shirt, and the wooden skull she brushed her hair and looked at herself in the bathroom window. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy from all the crying. Sighing she took some eye drops and put a cold wet towel over her eyes. 'That idiot Duncan, that stupid, grotesque, ogre-like, junkyard dog...' she thought bitterly doing her very best to keep from crying again. Taking a deep breathe she smiled into the mirror. "Oh who needs that Neanderthal anyway? Courtney, you're smart! You're pretty too! You've got the package, you deserve so much better than...than **that**!" she said to her reflection. Smiling again she headed to the kitchen and pulled out some eggs and bread.

Logan came to the kitchen and smiled to his daughter. "Morning pumpkin." he said kissing her head. "Ready for school? I know you missed a couple of weeks." he said.

"Don't worry dad, I'm smart. I can catch up easily." she said smiling. "And after school, I'll go look for a part-time job." she said. Larson frowned and sighed tying his tie.

"I'm sorry Courtney. I wish things were different." he said. "You shouldn't be working, you should be enjoying your school life, devoting your time to clubs and events. Like before..." Courtney frowned and looked to Larson.

"Don't worry dad. I've spent enough time to make it look good for college. Besides I want to ease the load off your shoulders. Work experience will look good on career resumes too." she added with a smile. Finishing breakfast she handed it to Larson and served some coffee. "I'll eat a poptart and some coffee too so give this plate to Carol." she said going upstairs to wake her up.

Morning chores done Courtney said her goodbyes and headed off to school. It was close enough so she was alright with walking. She was a bit hesitant about attending. Duncan moved to her city so they would be able to go to school together so she knew she'd run into the asshole eventually. Heaving a sigh she kicked a stone on the sidewalk and looked up again seeing Duncan at the corner of the intersection. Quickly Courtney hid behind the side of a house. 'What the hell am I hiding for?' she thought to herself biting her lip but peeked to Duncan. Glaring at his back she watched him just standing there. "Jesus, just go. The hell are you waiting for anyway? I'm going to be late." she whispered to herself.

Her eyes shot wide open when she saw a family goth girl rush to Duncan and kissed him before the two held hands heading to her school. Courtney felt as though the ground was going to give beneath her feet. It was hard enough imaging to spend school with Duncan, but now Gwen was going to be there too?!

Slamming her hand against the side of the house she growled audibly having had enough and walked right past them from across the street. She made no eye contact and headed to school. She wondered if they noticed her, if Duncan even remembered that she went to the school. "You insensitive jerk..." she mumbled under her breath and walked inside the school.

In class she sat on her desk her cheek against her hand as he elbow rested against the desk. Everyone was talking to their friends, hanging out, and talking until class would begin. Courtney didn't have any friends, her mouth took care of that. Her mouth brought a lot of people to dislike her. Back then it didn't matter because she always had Duncan. She wished Bridgette was there in school with her. She missed having someone to talk to. Trying to make friends at this point was useless and her pride wouldn't allow her to kiss someone's ass for some company.

The bell rang and class would begin.

(Duncan's POV)

Duncan dressed in the usual, skull t-shirt and some pants. Brushing his mohawk looked into the mirror thinking about how this would be his first day back since the show. He's gotten into the habit of waking up on time and going to school thanks to Courtney. It was annoying, but back then he didn't mind because he got to see Courtney.

Thinking back on it he shook his head. "That crazy controlling bitch." he muttered bitterly slamming his comb down. He loved her, he truely loved her, but she was a gold digging, high maintenance, bitch. All the time, she was poking and prying him about cutting his mohawk off, getting rid of piercings, changing his attitude, changing him all together. I mean he loved her for all that she was, flaws and all. Couldn't she do the same?

Not only that she pawned every gift he gave her. Everything! It was like she was secretly trying to milk out all his money for herself. The bitch was already loaded, what the hell did she need more money for? Sighing he calmed himself down and grabbed his backpack. Eating a poptart he got a call from Gwen. Smiling he answered, "What's up babe?" he asked.

"Morning Duncan." she said chuckling on the other end of the line. "I'm going to meet you at the intersection by your house." she said. "You can walk me to my new school there."

"Looking forward to it babe." he said, "How did you convince your mom to move out?" he asked.

"My cousin lives close by and I told my mom that the school here was good." she said. "She really doesn't like you, I had to lie and tell her you weren't in town anymore." she said chuckling. It was no news to Duncan, most parents didn't like him. Logan gave him a chance at least. Shaking his head he turned back to Gwen not wanting to think about Courtney for another second longer.

"Well anyway, I'll see you there. Later babe." he said hanging up and walked to school. He bought a motorcycle when he won season 2 of the show and got his license to use it, but he wasn't allowed to ride it to school apparently. He wouldn't give a shit but Courtney made him keep it at home. Growling audibly he slammed his hand against the side of a house he walked by and took a deep breath. Get that woman out of my head!

"Duncan?" Gwen asked approaching the delinquent. She kissed him on the lips happy to see him. "You seemed kind of pissed off, did something happen?" she asked him. Duncan shook his head smirking to Gwen.

"Nah, just kind of pissed I can't bring my boke to school." he said.

"Since when did you care about school rules? Aren't you the rule breaker?" she asked chuckling. It was true, why didn't he just rode his bike to school?

"Nah, I just want an easy morning today." he said laughing with her. He turned to head to school and caught a glance of short brown hair and green capris. His chest tightened for a moment. It had been a while since he'd seen her. Maybe only a week but now he had to deal with going to class with her. "Jesus..." he sighed under his breath.

Gwen noticed his glance and was quick to hold his hand. "Let's go." she said pretending she didn't see Courtney. She didn't care about her, she had the guy she liked with her now, everyone else didn't matter anymore.

Duncan watched from afar as Courtney walked into the school. Even though he was angry at her for all the shit he put her through, deep down he felt a tremendous amount of guilt. He asked himself why, but shook the thought away not wanting anything to do with her anymore. Which proved to be harder than he could have ever imagined.

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**That's the end of it guys! Not the real ending, just the end of this chapter. Anyway I have a HUGE message on my profile that greatly concerns whether I continue this story or not so please, I recommend you to go check it out. Every one of you counts, I mean it.**

**Question of the chapter:**

_If you are on Duncan's side of things, what would you say to Courtney? If you are on Courtney's side of things, what would you say to Duncan? Both as an outsider._

**Thank you for reading be sure to post a review to keep this alive. Don't just favorite it! XD**


	4. Announcement

Alright guys, just a heads up on what happened. My laptop broke and I didn't have the money to fix it. So it was a long while before I had it repaired so I finally have it back. All my files were erased in the process so all, and I mean ALL of my chapters were erased. Including ones I had for other stories so I'm a little pissed off. I'll have to spend my time writing them all again if I can even remember the brilliance they once had. So please be patient until I can slowly post the next chapters out.

Thank you all so much for your patience. And I really apologize for the very long wait. Anyway, I'll get on it right now actually. So think of the fact that while you're reading this, I am writing the next chapter, and possible lemon ;P

That or...I'm making a sandwich xD

Thank you~! 3


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